Feelings right now...
It is a feeling that i have for quite some time. Is jus that i don noe how to put it into words. Brought it up to ahmad but don noe how to put it into words. But is it due to that i am guilty that i have not done enough again ? The word that i used was dominating but dominating hu and wad i cannot use an exact occasion or word to put it through to the others. Or is it really his fault that he don noe when to step aside and let us step up? Or am i too laid back and doing not enough???
having a test tmr but i have yet to study. wad am i doing now? I jus felt like crying again jus now when i was talking to ahmad at the bus stop is the exact feeling upon how i felt at sembawang park coming back again?i have no idea how i am going to organise my thoughts right now feel lost and bewildered. ahmad tried to help but he also cannot help any longer as he is going to tekong soon. how long more can he be there to support the unit up again?
He once regretted that he had not done enough when he was an NCO and now he is back to complete the things that he have left out when he pass out. I think we all noe that he had already done far more than he need to do due to Liquan asking him to take care of chi peng but i jus felt like he is the only one there who i can talk to when the unit is in trouble. But i guess i have no one to turn to when he goes to tekong for NS. I cannot be so reliable on others. As a CI i should be independant. But i cannot bear to remind myself that i am already a CI . What is there that is hindering me from carrying on or am i jus to laid back?
Shall jus end here and blog again mayb tmr when i noe how to organise my thoughts and how to put my feelings into words.
